Beautiful Things

"The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands.  Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they reveal knowledge. They have no speech, they use no words; no sound is heard from them. Yet their voice goes out into all the earth, their words to the ends of the world."         Psalm 19:1-4


I am in awe.  I just spent the last half hour sitting outside with my guitar and singing to God.  I don't know why I have not done this more often.  Taking in His creation and making music have always been the two things that connect me to God faster than anything else.  Imagine putting those two together!  I sat outside on my porch facing the sunset, and poured out my heart to God in worship.  It was one of the most beautiful, refreshing experiences of my life.  As I closed my eyes to focus on the words I was singing, a fresh breeze would wrap around me, like God was finding joy in me finding joy in Him.  Then I looked up into the sky at the last rays of sunlight peeking through the clouds and the sky turning deep blue in every direction and I could see little stars peeking out at me.  As the sun went down the stars became brighter and clearer and I was humbled.  It became clear to me how much I have doubted God and His love for me recently.  Not logically, I know that He loves me because "the Bible tells me so."  But I had started to doubt the goodness of that love. I have surrendered my life to God and told Him I will trust where He leads me, but lately my heart has been fearful and afraid to live by faith.  When I looked up into the sky He reminded me that He holds everything in His hands.  That He makes beautiful things out of the messes of our lives.  That He is loving and faithful and constantly waiting for me to turn and listen to Him, to feel his love surrounding me like the wind.  I am reminded that no circumstance that I face is out of His loving hands.  I may not be able to see the love in it at the moment, but He uses everything for our good if we will love and trust Him.  Like the words to the song "Love Came Down"- 


If my heart is overwhelmed and I cannot hear Your voice
I’ll hold on to what is true though I cannot see
If the storms of life they come and the road ahead gets steep
I will lift these hands in faith I will believe

I remind myself of all that You’ve done
And the life I have because Your Son

Love came down and rescued me
Love came down and set me free
I am Yours I am forever Yours
Mountain high or valley low
I sing out remind my soul
I am Yours I am forever Yours


I am Yours, I am Yours, all my days I am Yours


Father please forgive the times when my heart falters.  Thank you for filling me with the sweetness of your presence.  Thank you for giving me peace and joy beyond understanding. You are so good.


"May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart
   be pleasing in your sight,
   LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer."  Psalm 19:14




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ifeJRC5lvhs

Obedience

So I have to admit this is a big step for me.  Never in my life did I think I would have a blog, mostly because writing is like pulling teeth for me.  I have always preferred singing or painting as ways to express myself.  The problem is I sing other people's songs and paint things exactly like I see them.  There is nothing wrong with that I guess, I find songs and scenes that express how I am feeling and thinking.  If I were to follow the same suite in writing however, I would only write research papers (which of course was the only thing I felt comfortable writing for most of my life).  This has always bothered me, but only until recently have I realized why this is.  I have so many thoughts and feelings rolling around in my head that I don't know where to start!  I prefer to have someone to talk with, to bounce ideas off of, to help focus the wandering thoughts.

Now after that I am asking myself why I started this in the first place.  Obedience.  For a while now I have felt God nudging me to start writing out what I am learning so that I can see more clearly what He is doing in me and in my life.  There have been so many times when God speaks to me and I feel encouraged and excited, and then the next day I act as if nothing has happened.  I need to process these things God walks me through. Now I could do that in my own journal, but honestly I won't keep up with it.  But if I know even one person will read this it might just push me enough to do this regularly.  The other reason to do this through a blog is that maybe, just maybe, someone else will feel encouraged by it, and they will know they are not alone in the triumphs and struggles of learning to walk with Christ.

I cannot promise good or entertaining writing, but I can promise an honest desire to grow closer to and know the heart of my Savior.  On my own I am broken and fearful, afraid of failure and rejection. But through my relationship with God I know who He made me to be.  As I draw nearer to Him and seek Him out I see that His heart is for me, not against me.  When I learn to trust Him I can step out in obedience and believe that He will be strong in my weaknesses.  That this is not really about me at all but as I surrender my will to His, I find joy and purpose beyond what I ever imagined.

I have been on a journey to understand and live this, and it has been filled with great heights and heartbreaking lows.  But He has been faithful to walk with me every step of the way. I can turn around and see His leading when I thought I was walking blindly.  He has never left my side no matter how many times I have doubted Him and tried to walk my own way.  And now I can see how He has used those stray paths for my good.  I want to know this God who gave away his freedom to set me free.



"You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart."  Jeremiah 29:13