Obedience

So I have to admit this is a big step for me.  Never in my life did I think I would have a blog, mostly because writing is like pulling teeth for me.  I have always preferred singing or painting as ways to express myself.  The problem is I sing other people's songs and paint things exactly like I see them.  There is nothing wrong with that I guess, I find songs and scenes that express how I am feeling and thinking.  If I were to follow the same suite in writing however, I would only write research papers (which of course was the only thing I felt comfortable writing for most of my life).  This has always bothered me, but only until recently have I realized why this is.  I have so many thoughts and feelings rolling around in my head that I don't know where to start!  I prefer to have someone to talk with, to bounce ideas off of, to help focus the wandering thoughts.

Now after that I am asking myself why I started this in the first place.  Obedience.  For a while now I have felt God nudging me to start writing out what I am learning so that I can see more clearly what He is doing in me and in my life.  There have been so many times when God speaks to me and I feel encouraged and excited, and then the next day I act as if nothing has happened.  I need to process these things God walks me through. Now I could do that in my own journal, but honestly I won't keep up with it.  But if I know even one person will read this it might just push me enough to do this regularly.  The other reason to do this through a blog is that maybe, just maybe, someone else will feel encouraged by it, and they will know they are not alone in the triumphs and struggles of learning to walk with Christ.

I cannot promise good or entertaining writing, but I can promise an honest desire to grow closer to and know the heart of my Savior.  On my own I am broken and fearful, afraid of failure and rejection. But through my relationship with God I know who He made me to be.  As I draw nearer to Him and seek Him out I see that His heart is for me, not against me.  When I learn to trust Him I can step out in obedience and believe that He will be strong in my weaknesses.  That this is not really about me at all but as I surrender my will to His, I find joy and purpose beyond what I ever imagined.

I have been on a journey to understand and live this, and it has been filled with great heights and heartbreaking lows.  But He has been faithful to walk with me every step of the way. I can turn around and see His leading when I thought I was walking blindly.  He has never left my side no matter how many times I have doubted Him and tried to walk my own way.  And now I can see how He has used those stray paths for my good.  I want to know this God who gave away his freedom to set me free.



"You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart."  Jeremiah 29:13