Carry On

"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world."  John 16:33 "Wait for the LORD;  be strong, and let your heart take courage;    wait for the LORD!"  Psalm 27:14 "Love the LORD, all you his saints!    The LORD preserves the faithful but abundantly repays the one who acts in pride.      Be strong, and let your heart take courage, all you who wait for the LORD!"             Psalm 31:23-24 So what do you do when everything seems like it is falling apart?  When all of your plans suddenly smack you in the face and all you are left with is hurt, disappointment, and confusion?  Do you turn to God for comfort and direction or away from Him?  Does His promise to make everything work for the good of those who love him and are called according to His purpose seem far out of reach?  Do you believe in and trust God's love and plan for you even in the darkest hour, or do you take things into your own hands?  These are all the questions we have to face when God allows pain and confusion into our lives.   I have had to face these questions so many times that somehow I believe that the next time it won't be so hard.  It's true in a way I guess.  When I choose to believe that God is who He says He is even when I can't feel Him, hear Him, or see anything good, a foundation of trust is built that I did not have before.  But it does not make the next situation any less painful.  When I trust Him instead of reacting and making choices out of my hurt, it builds confidence in the God I choose to surrender my life to, because in the midst of the pain I can say that I know my God will work all things for my good, he will not leave me alone.   There have been many points in my life that I have wanted to just walk away from God because, in my mind, he has let me down.  I suppose subconsciously I have believed that if I surrender my life to God, He will keep me from pain, and if I follow Him everything should work out perfectly.  Unfortunately, this is just not true.  I know now that it is in the the trials and confusion that God draws me to himself and refines me.  If everything worked out perfectly all the time I would grow to believe I don't really need Him and that this life is really all about me.  And this is so far from the truth.  While God loves me and knows me better than I know myself, and He longs to impart to me his peace and joy as I walk in his presence, that is not the end goal. We were created to bring him glory.  When I turn my eyes from my hurt and the things of this world and onto my Savior, the lover of my soul, he changes my heart.  I know that He is in control and while he will take care of me and work everything for my good, he is also accomplishing his will for his Kingdom. So the question is, do you really trust God to do this?  No matter what?  I have seen many people decide that if God loved them he would not allow whatever bad thing has happened in their life. The problem is, they walk away from God in order to hurt Him in some way, and they end up cutting themselves off from their only source of hope.  They make decisions that hurt them more than the initial let down.   Any time I am tempted to be angry at God or say I am just tired of trying to do things His way, I look at the lives others who have decided to turn from God and take things into their own hands, and the devastation it brings.  As much as I may want to just do what I feel like for a change, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it will end in pain.  Sometimes I get mad at God that I cannot feel Him in the midst of the trials, and all I want is to feel him near me.  Nothing.  Those are the hardest times.  When you cannot see or hear God anywhere.  All you see is pain.  That is when you have to hold onto hope.  You have to hold onto who God says he is, how he has proven himself in the past.  We cannot control or manipulate God, but I believe he honors the heart that holds onto him when there seems to be no hope and no words of comfort.  Wait on Him.  Be still and know that He is God.  He is bigger than any situation we face, and if we let him, he will use it to make us more like him.  He is faithful. "Be strong, and let your heart take courage, all you who wait for the LORD!"             Psalm 31:24