Sometimes I have to remind myself that the reason I started a blog in the first place was to push myself to write down what is on my heart because if I don't I become what I am at this moment: a mush pot of thoughts and feelings with no way to discern what was the cause and what are the effects.  It is so hard for me to pull myself out of this, so most of the time I just avoid it.  Ha.  Which makes it soooo much better!  There has been so much going on in my life over the past couple of months, so many changes, pressures, and frustrations in almost every area of my life. Honestly, I have just been doing my best to get through without falling apart.  And if I am going to be completely honest, it has been very hard for me to hear God through all of it.  I pray and stick to what I know from scripture, but I don't think it has ever been this hard to feel or hear God.  Why is it that when I feel like I need God the most, He seems the furthest away?  I have asked myself this so many times.  I know from His word that He is never far away, so the problem must be with me.  I am not completely sure, but I think that with all of the changes going on in my life I have hardened my heart to try to protect myself from being hurt more, and in the process I have hardened my heart towards God.  I want answers and direction from Him, but it is very difficult to be vulnerable in any way, even with Him.  

If this is true, it would also explain why I have not felt like myself in a while.  I am so worn and tired with all of my responsibilities that the passion that drove me in those things has diminished.  And I hate it.  I want to want God like I have before, I want to have the burning fire in my heart to see others know Him, I want to be excited about seeing what God will do in my life and the lives of others.  But I can't feel it like I used to.  I feel numb.

I am trying desperately to break out of this and have been begging God to help soften my heart again.  Today I sat down to practice songs for the Christmas Eve Service tonight, and I began to be drawn to the heart of my God through the words of worship and adoration.  Worship has always been what brings me back to Him, if I will truly submit, thank, and praise him in my heart.  I could feel his truth begin to break down my walls. 

 

 This Christmas, I have thought much more about what Jesus did when He offered to be a part of our broken world by being born like one of us.  He chose to suffer pain, sorrow, confusion, frustration, loneliness, and disappointments just like we do.  Because of that we have a Savior that understands us and pleads to God on our behalf.  He chose me.  He chose you. I have had to just sit and try to let that sink in to my stony heart.  He loves me.  He loves you.  Because he walked through this life without sin, I can be with the one who loves me and knows me completely for the rest of eternity.  Because of his choice to remain close to His Father and followed His Father's will instead of his own, I can have a purpose for my life.  I can walk in hope and freedom.  I can lift my head up and know that He has redeemed and forgiven me, never holding any of my wrongs against me.  He never gives up on me, even though I doubt Him daily.  

I don't know where you are right now, but I pray that you will seek Him out.  He says that if we seek him, we will find Him if we seek if with ALL of our hearts.  He is near, waiting for us to turn wholly to Him, not in obligation or fear, but out of gratitude and love.  I can tell that this will be a daily challenge for me, to allow Him to come in and break down the walls of distrust and "protection" I have built up, but I cannot live like I have been.  That is not the life that God has called me to and I will not give up following Him, even when I am my own worst enemy.  Please pray for me, for strength, guidance, wisdom, and wholehearted loving devotion to my Savior.  I pray this for us as well.

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."  John 10:10

Carry On

"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world."  John 16:33 "Wait for the LORD;  be strong, and let your heart take courage;    wait for the LORD!"  Psalm 27:14 "Love the LORD, all you his saints!    The LORD preserves the faithful but abundantly repays the one who acts in pride.      Be strong, and let your heart take courage, all you who wait for the LORD!"             Psalm 31:23-24 So what do you do when everything seems like it is falling apart?  When all of your plans suddenly smack you in the face and all you are left with is hurt, disappointment, and confusion?  Do you turn to God for comfort and direction or away from Him?  Does His promise to make everything work for the good of those who love him and are called according to His purpose seem far out of reach?  Do you believe in and trust God's love and plan for you even in the darkest hour, or do you take things into your own hands?  These are all the questions we have to face when God allows pain and confusion into our lives.   I have had to face these questions so many times that somehow I believe that the next time it won't be so hard.  It's true in a way I guess.  When I choose to believe that God is who He says He is even when I can't feel Him, hear Him, or see anything good, a foundation of trust is built that I did not have before.  But it does not make the next situation any less painful.  When I trust Him instead of reacting and making choices out of my hurt, it builds confidence in the God I choose to surrender my life to, because in the midst of the pain I can say that I know my God will work all things for my good, he will not leave me alone.   There have been many points in my life that I have wanted to just walk away from God because, in my mind, he has let me down.  I suppose subconsciously I have believed that if I surrender my life to God, He will keep me from pain, and if I follow Him everything should work out perfectly.  Unfortunately, this is just not true.  I know now that it is in the the trials and confusion that God draws me to himself and refines me.  If everything worked out perfectly all the time I would grow to believe I don't really need Him and that this life is really all about me.  And this is so far from the truth.  While God loves me and knows me better than I know myself, and He longs to impart to me his peace and joy as I walk in his presence, that is not the end goal. We were created to bring him glory.  When I turn my eyes from my hurt and the things of this world and onto my Savior, the lover of my soul, he changes my heart.  I know that He is in control and while he will take care of me and work everything for my good, he is also accomplishing his will for his Kingdom. So the question is, do you really trust God to do this?  No matter what?  I have seen many people decide that if God loved them he would not allow whatever bad thing has happened in their life. The problem is, they walk away from God in order to hurt Him in some way, and they end up cutting themselves off from their only source of hope.  They make decisions that hurt them more than the initial let down.   Any time I am tempted to be angry at God or say I am just tired of trying to do things His way, I look at the lives others who have decided to turn from God and take things into their own hands, and the devastation it brings.  As much as I may want to just do what I feel like for a change, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it will end in pain.  Sometimes I get mad at God that I cannot feel Him in the midst of the trials, and all I want is to feel him near me.  Nothing.  Those are the hardest times.  When you cannot see or hear God anywhere.  All you see is pain.  That is when you have to hold onto hope.  You have to hold onto who God says he is, how he has proven himself in the past.  We cannot control or manipulate God, but I believe he honors the heart that holds onto him when there seems to be no hope and no words of comfort.  Wait on Him.  Be still and know that He is God.  He is bigger than any situation we face, and if we let him, he will use it to make us more like him.  He is faithful. "Be strong, and let your heart take courage, all you who wait for the LORD!"             Psalm 31:24

But the cares of this life...

Sometimes I just don't know what to say.  I realize it has been several months since my last post and I am mad at myself for letting so much time pass.  It's not really that big of a deal I guess, but one of the reasons for starting this blog was to make myself reflect on and express what I am thinking about or walking through.  Most of the time I just don't know what to say or how to process my thoughts and feelings, so it is easier for me to just not face them. I say nothing and my mind remains a mass of jumbled ideas, thoughts and emotions.  I have done this my entire life and it is not good for me.  So I am attempting to sort through the mess and pull out the truth.   So, here it goes.

Most of the time I blame not writing on being busy and having no time, which is true in some ways, but I know that I can make time for things that are good for me.  But I'm not very good at taking care of me.  I want to encourage everyone else and help them feel better and grow in their relationship with God, and I put myself on the back burner until I waste away.  I think that is how I have felt lately.  It frustrates me because I am not completely sure why.  Maybe it is the new job and adjusting to yet another work load and environment.  Maybe it is my inability to say no.  But whatever it is,   I feel unable to say and think what I feel.  What makes it even worse is that I am frustrated with myself for letting all of this stuff in my head hinder me from being closer to God.  I know what it is like to walk day by day with God and feel his peace moment by moment and know a joy that surpasses any circumstance.  And no matter how much I want Him, all these thoughts, feelings, and worries just seem to cloud my vision of Him.  I have moments of complete peace and clarity when I am worshiping or praying, where I know who I am and whose I am, but they are soon stolen away from me by the cares of this life. And I hate it.

At this moment, God is reminding me that I am not meant to walk through this life out of my own energy, strength, and love.  It is not possible for me to bear fruit and experience the joy and purpose meant for me on my own.  And I know this.  I have walked through years of guarding myself against this and surrendering my fears to God.  So why now is it so difficult?  Vision.  Where am I putting my focus?

 Me, myself, and I.  Blech.  It seems so contradictory to me.  I spend all of my time trying to make others happy and encouraged and leave myself out of the loop, but yet all I can see is my own problems.  I believe I was made to serve and encourage others, but I have twisted it and attempted to accomplish it out of my own strength.  God created me to be an encouragement to others, it is one of my spiritual gifts.  And that is key.  It is a spiritual gift, which means it is only truly fruitful when my eyes are on my Savior and my heart is surrendered to Him in love.  When I do that, He fills me up to overflowing, so that others are refreshed as well.  I am realizing that right now, for whatever reason, I need to be intentional about spending even more time with him, praying, reading his words to me, and worshipping Him by myself. Without those things, I will continue to cut myself off from his truth and comfort.

God forgive me for not keeping my eyes on you.  I don't know why this is harder now than it ever has been before, but I need your help.  Thank you for your love and grace that never give up on me, and gently guide me back to you.  I pray that my heart and eyes would be clear as they are set on you.  I want to know you, I want to know your heart.  Please overcome my fears with your perfect peace and help my unbelief.  Your sacrifice has purchased my freedom and I am yours; your vessel to use as you desire.  I trust that you always have my best in mind and I surrender to your plans even when they don't look like mine. (Which is always ha.) Don't let me fall any further away from you.  May we seek you above all else and desire to live a life through your power that is honoring to you.  Guide us into the plans you have for us, overcome our hearts with your love.  Amen.

Humbly, Honestly

So I now have three days of school under my belt and I feel like it has gone really well!  Not that every class runs exactly the way I want it to, but overall I feel good about what I am doing.  It definitely takes a lot of energy out of me though.  I don't want to complain at all because I feel so blessed, but I have four 45 minute classes back to back with no breaks in between and for whatever reason it drains me!  Maybe its just because it is the first week, but after the first three classes I just wanted to sit and zone out for a little while.  This surprises me though after my schedule last year.  It should feel like nothing!

Maybe it is just part of my personality.  I am an introvert, and while I have gotten over many of my fears of talking in front of people, it still takes a lot out of me.  Most Sundays I have to go home and take a three hour nap to recover from an hour and a half of leading.  I LOVE what I do but I really believe that this is one way God keeps me close because I know I won't be able to make it on my own.  I know that He has equipped me and gifted me with the abilities to do what He has asked me to do but I also know that my weaknesses are purposeful in keeping me reliant on Him.  This has been very apparent to me as I have grown in my ministry.  I know I am not the most talented musician, and the difficulties I have encountered in the past with my voice have shown me there is not much good I can do on my own. I experience so much fear during the years I was relearning to sing that anxiety attacks were frequent.  Being told I might never sing again, humiliating myself in front of peers and professors, and never knowing what sound would come out of my mouth really took its toll on me. But through all of that God continued to lead me and press on my heart to love Him and trust Him first.  So in the midst of the fear He just asked for my heart, all of it.  And He taught me that when I play and sing to Him out of love and joy for who He is, He makes up for my fears and my weaknesses.  He gives me the words to speak even though I don't trust my ability to articulate well.  There are times when I just start speaking more clearly, forcefully and passionately than I ever have on my own and I know that God is taking over.  For whatever reason, He still chooses to use me, even when I feel that I would be the last one on earth for Him to use.  And the thing that I really love, is in those moments when I know He being strong in my weaknesses, I feel so close to him and I am energized like nothing else.  Sometimes when I am worshipping I am so overwhelmed by the presence of God and the joy and love I find in Him that I almost feel I cannot contain it.  That is not in me or from me.  That is all God.

That is worship though.  For a long time I have struggled with my purpose in teaching because I did not experience the same clarity and energy.  Many times I came home so defeated and drained that I begged God to give me another job.  But one of the most beautiful things that happened at the San Marcos Treatment Center is that I finally was able to let God be strong in my weaknesses.  I had to ask God to fill me with His love and patience every day or I wouldn't make it.  Not only would I not make it, but there was also the possibility of saying or doing something that would set a student off, and I usually prefer to not be hit or have things thrown at me.  So I learned quickly that I was not able to give those kids what they needed on my own. When I accepted that it was not a mistake that I was there and asked God to take over every day, He was faithful to do that.  I learned to recognize that I needed Him every moment of every day or things would go south quickly.  The difference in my teaching and my relationships with students was so stark that even my principle saw it and commented often on how my confidence and effectiveness as a teacher just blossomed.  The change in me and my classroom was amazing.  I found ways to explain things I would have never thought of and His supernatural patience and wisdom astounded me.  Now there were definitely days that I did not go in prepared and it was like a slap in the face.  He was making me learn to lean on him day in and day out.  

Now I have a new job, and while it is not as extreme an environment it still requires much patience and wisdom.  I have already seen the difference between the days I go in humble and desperately asking for God to fill me and the days where I go in saying a short prayer but not really realizing how much I need Him.  Today things went so much better because I could sense Jesus constantly telling me that these were his kids and he wanted to love on them today through me.  It completely changes the way I see them.  While it is so tempting to dread the tougher classes, its as if He is saying to me, "But these are the ones that really need me today and I know what they are going through and what they need.  Can you put away your pride and self-sufficiency long enough so I can use you?"  It is so humbling to see the difference between what I see and expect from students and what God sees and wants to give them.

So while I still long to be full time ministry, in a way I feel like I am.  When I let God fill me and use me I see how much He is changing me and my heart.  This is ministry.  It may not be the context I desire to be in, but He is using this to mold me into who He wants me to be.  Ministry requires patience, grace, love, discipline, strength, and wisdom far beyond what I can give in my own power.  Teaching is teaching me to recognize that I can do nothing good in and of myself for there is nothing good in me.  But He longs to be strong in my weaknesses and for me to rely on him completely.  This is the way it is meant to be.  May we daily come to the end of ourselves and see that the difficult and trying circumstances in our lives are God's windows to call us back to complete devotion and reliance on Him.

Seeking

I was reading in a devotional this morning called, "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young.  This book is a compilation of her journal entries over years of time she spent with God.   The entry for today really spoke to my heart and I wanted to share it with you.


Jesus Calling - July 20


 As a deer pants for flowing streams,
   so pants my soul for you, O God.
My soul thirsts for God,
   for the living God.
When shall I come and appear before God?
Psalm 42:1-2 ESV


Those who look to him are radiant,
   and their faces shall never be ashamed.
Psalm 34:5 ESV


Do all things without grumbling or questioning, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world...
Philippians 2:14-25


"Seek my face, and you will find all that you have longed for.  The deepest yearnings of your heart are for intimacy with Me.  I know, because I designed you to desire Me.  Do not feel guilty about taking time to be still in My Presence.  You are simply responding to the tugs of divinity within you.  I made you in My image, and I hid heaven in your heart.  Your yearning for me is a form of homesickness; longing for your true home in heaven.


Do not be afraid to be different from other people. The path I have called you to travel  is exquisitely right for you.  The more closely you follow My leading, the more fully I can develop your gifts.  To follow Me wholeheartedly, you must relinquish your desire to please other people. However, your closeness to Me will bless others by enabling you to shine brightly in this dark world."


The More I Seek You
Kari Jobe


The more I seek you, The more I find you
The more I find you, The more I love you


I want to sit at your feet
Drink from the cup in your hands
Lay back against you and breathe
Feel your heartbeat
This love is so deep 
Its more than I can stand
I melt in your peace
Its overwhelming

The Long Journey

This is my desire: to know God and walk with him, to know His voice and His leading, to trust Him completely without question, and to allow Him to use me to show others who He really is.  However, I constantly fall short of this, getting caught up in the things of the world, in my fears and my worries, and my plans.  Ugh, MY plans.  The minute I thought I knew God's plan for me I took it and ran with it instead of staying close and surrendered to Him.  He has taken me through many painful years getting me to a place where I can let go of my plans or even what I think He wants for me and just live with Him as my greatest desire and hope day by day.  That's the key. Staying so close and surrendered to Him that He leads me down the right paths for me without my even knowing the plan.  Maybe someday He will give me a hint to his plan for me, but as for right now He continues to put me in places that require me to just follow and trust without being able to see.

The last several years have been a great struggle for me, much of which has come from job situations.  When I went to college, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that God had called me to worship him with my voice and my life.  I had an insatiable to desire to provide a place of honest desire and surrender in the presence of God, a place where there is freedom to truly cry out to God and seek him, a place where you all focus glory go to God and life is no longer about me.  This is where my life changed because my relationship with God became real.  It was not about rules, being good, or living up to the expectations of others.  I found freedom and joy in the presence of God.  That is  what I long to give others a chance to find.  To step outside of a religion and into a passionate relationship with the creator and lover of our souls.
This has been a burning desire in my heart that nothing has been able to dampen.  Even losing my voice and having to relearn everything that had always come naturally to me.  Two years of having to fight for what I knew God had called me to but at the same time, learning to completely surrender and trust this God that I had learned to love.  In that time, I learned that anything, even the things God calls you to, can get in the way of what He wants for you if He does not remain the highest and truest love of your heart.  It is when I finally surrendered and told God that I believed he had called me to worship him, so I would worship Him however I could, even if it meant I would never sing again.  In that moment, he became the love of my heart again, and He restored my voice to me and marked it with a change, a kind of strength and honesty it never had before. I have seen the goodness and faithfulness of God.
And yet.
I still manage to doubt Him and His love for me. He has been so good to me, allowing me to lead worship with a body of believers in New Braunfels.  I get to do what I love!  However it is only part time, requiring me to spend most of my time and energy at a full time job. This has been a great struggle for me because I long to focus all my energies on ministry, but I gotta pay the bills.  So I have gone from job to job over the past three years.  Most of which have been less than ideal in my mind.  I would cry out and ask God why He was having spend so much energy on all of these things I did not want to do, when I could do so much for Him if I could be in full time ministry!  I knew in theory that everything God brings into our lives has a purpose and is not an accident.  But I didn't want to believe there could be any purpose for me in sitting at a desk and typing all day long, or working at a psychiatric facility with emotionally disturbed children with extreme behavior issues.  I couldn't see this fitting into the plan I thought God had or me.  And so for a while, I was miserable.  I would pray and ask God to use me where I was, but there was a huge part of my heart that resented where He put me.  It felt like an accident.  Like I must have done something wrong along the way so this is where I have to be until God can get me and my life back together.

But God is so gracious, continually trying to turn my heart to Him.  Finally, I realized that I was the common denominator in these situations.  I knew I should be thankful for the paycheck and provision God was supplying through those jobs, but I refused to see that God wanted me in each of those places.  They were my ministry for the moment.  Not full time church ministry.  My daily life, with the regular routines and menial tasks lived out in the presence of others. Somehow God managed to use me in each of those places despite myself.  But right after Christmas this past year I finally got it.  I asked God to change my heart and help me to desire what He had given me.  The next day at work, my perspective completely changed.  He gave me so much love for those kids.  He gave me supernatural patience and peace in the midst of so much hurt and anger.  I became a completely different teacher and made relationships with those kids that have changed me and the way I view myself and others.  God changed my heart towards people and used me to provide a place of peace, safety, grace, and  respect.

And now He has given me a new job, again not full time ministry.  But I feel that He used my experiences over the past several years to make me ready for whatever He calls me to do.  And I know that right now, my job is to minister to the students, faculty, and parents and Freiheit Elementary.  I choose to trust that He has me here for a reason, and I am so thankful that now I have a job that requires less planning and paperwork so I can spend more time doing the things that I love.

Honestly, I still have no idea what the future holds for me.  I often beg God to give me just a little peek at the plans He has for me, but I know better.  I know that right now, He wants me to know Him.  And as I  follow Him daily, listening for his whispers and delighting in Him, He will lead me in the way He has for me.  I need to be content with that, with Him.  A point will come where as I live close to Him and know His voice, He will show me something or lay something on my heart that I am to do.  But it will not come without being close to Him.  It feels as if it has been a long journey and yet I know it has only just begun.  But this journey will lead me to my Savior, to greater purpose and joy than I could find on my own in anything this world has to offer.  I will follow.

Trust in the LORD and do good;
   dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Take delight in the LORD,
   and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the LORD;
   trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn,
   your vindication like the noonday sun.

Be still before the LORD
   and wait patiently for him; 

Psalm 37:3-7

http://grooveshark.com/s/Long+Journey/2yhViV?src=5

Beautiful Things

"The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands.  Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they reveal knowledge. They have no speech, they use no words; no sound is heard from them. Yet their voice goes out into all the earth, their words to the ends of the world."         Psalm 19:1-4


I am in awe.  I just spent the last half hour sitting outside with my guitar and singing to God.  I don't know why I have not done this more often.  Taking in His creation and making music have always been the two things that connect me to God faster than anything else.  Imagine putting those two together!  I sat outside on my porch facing the sunset, and poured out my heart to God in worship.  It was one of the most beautiful, refreshing experiences of my life.  As I closed my eyes to focus on the words I was singing, a fresh breeze would wrap around me, like God was finding joy in me finding joy in Him.  Then I looked up into the sky at the last rays of sunlight peeking through the clouds and the sky turning deep blue in every direction and I could see little stars peeking out at me.  As the sun went down the stars became brighter and clearer and I was humbled.  It became clear to me how much I have doubted God and His love for me recently.  Not logically, I know that He loves me because "the Bible tells me so."  But I had started to doubt the goodness of that love. I have surrendered my life to God and told Him I will trust where He leads me, but lately my heart has been fearful and afraid to live by faith.  When I looked up into the sky He reminded me that He holds everything in His hands.  That He makes beautiful things out of the messes of our lives.  That He is loving and faithful and constantly waiting for me to turn and listen to Him, to feel his love surrounding me like the wind.  I am reminded that no circumstance that I face is out of His loving hands.  I may not be able to see the love in it at the moment, but He uses everything for our good if we will love and trust Him.  Like the words to the song "Love Came Down"- 


If my heart is overwhelmed and I cannot hear Your voice
I’ll hold on to what is true though I cannot see
If the storms of life they come and the road ahead gets steep
I will lift these hands in faith I will believe

I remind myself of all that You’ve done
And the life I have because Your Son

Love came down and rescued me
Love came down and set me free
I am Yours I am forever Yours
Mountain high or valley low
I sing out remind my soul
I am Yours I am forever Yours


I am Yours, I am Yours, all my days I am Yours


Father please forgive the times when my heart falters.  Thank you for filling me with the sweetness of your presence.  Thank you for giving me peace and joy beyond understanding. You are so good.


"May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart
   be pleasing in your sight,
   LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer."  Psalm 19:14




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ifeJRC5lvhs

Obedience

So I have to admit this is a big step for me.  Never in my life did I think I would have a blog, mostly because writing is like pulling teeth for me.  I have always preferred singing or painting as ways to express myself.  The problem is I sing other people's songs and paint things exactly like I see them.  There is nothing wrong with that I guess, I find songs and scenes that express how I am feeling and thinking.  If I were to follow the same suite in writing however, I would only write research papers (which of course was the only thing I felt comfortable writing for most of my life).  This has always bothered me, but only until recently have I realized why this is.  I have so many thoughts and feelings rolling around in my head that I don't know where to start!  I prefer to have someone to talk with, to bounce ideas off of, to help focus the wandering thoughts.

Now after that I am asking myself why I started this in the first place.  Obedience.  For a while now I have felt God nudging me to start writing out what I am learning so that I can see more clearly what He is doing in me and in my life.  There have been so many times when God speaks to me and I feel encouraged and excited, and then the next day I act as if nothing has happened.  I need to process these things God walks me through. Now I could do that in my own journal, but honestly I won't keep up with it.  But if I know even one person will read this it might just push me enough to do this regularly.  The other reason to do this through a blog is that maybe, just maybe, someone else will feel encouraged by it, and they will know they are not alone in the triumphs and struggles of learning to walk with Christ.

I cannot promise good or entertaining writing, but I can promise an honest desire to grow closer to and know the heart of my Savior.  On my own I am broken and fearful, afraid of failure and rejection. But through my relationship with God I know who He made me to be.  As I draw nearer to Him and seek Him out I see that His heart is for me, not against me.  When I learn to trust Him I can step out in obedience and believe that He will be strong in my weaknesses.  That this is not really about me at all but as I surrender my will to His, I find joy and purpose beyond what I ever imagined.

I have been on a journey to understand and live this, and it has been filled with great heights and heartbreaking lows.  But He has been faithful to walk with me every step of the way. I can turn around and see His leading when I thought I was walking blindly.  He has never left my side no matter how many times I have doubted Him and tried to walk my own way.  And now I can see how He has used those stray paths for my good.  I want to know this God who gave away his freedom to set me free.



"You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart."  Jeremiah 29:13